No, let me put this in other words. It has happened but it stopped working.
Everywhere I go I get shit, I bang my head against the walls of every building I pass by. And I'm not even passing them by because I want to. I have to.
I used to have a safe haven, I had it for one year. They took it away and replaced it for something less safe. Something that has made me feel very unsafe and it seems to do more damage than good.
I'm contemplating on not going to this building anymore. To stop banging my head against the walls of this concrete madness. But the thing that makes me sad is that I know. I KNOW another wall is waiting for me. And it's not a nice one. It might just be a bigger one to climb or probably an even darker one.
Point is, I'll always have walls around me no matter what. In every way. And if I can't feel angry or sad about it, I'm starting to feel nothing at all. I've forgotten what it feels like to have a good day where theres no pain or worries and that I could sleep or eat and not drink or fill my head and body with wrong doers. Or maybe I never knew it at all.
This is not a cry for attention or help. I've managed and I'll manage again. I don't want your love and I don't need your respect. I'm over it. I'm over you. I'm over people and smiles and people telling you what to do or who to be.
Ginsberg said that in order to express yourself you can only do it right if you do it true. And although I haven't masked a lot to the world. I am masking the things that matter. Maybe it's time to keep my walls and drop my mask. And be true.
If you don't want to know. Don't ask. If you don't like my answers...ignore me. It hasn't stopped you in the past. Why would it stop you now.
If there is a God, God. Then this is for you:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change.
The courage and strength to change the things that I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
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